New start

Ive lost my original page due to no longer having my domain name, i managed to grab some info from it and copy it here. Part of me wants to just delete the lot and start again and part of me wants to keep it because no matter how much i cringe reading it is still part of my life and how i was/felt at the time.
Ive decided to keep this for a while longer and start another home page, hopefully a bit brighter

More page views when i didnt blog

Now i'am able to walk a little and ready for cardio rehab i am so looking foward to the next chapter in my life, hence why i want to start blogging again. What i cant believe is my page views are now at 5877, i got more views when i wasn't blogging???

Diet starts 2/09/11

 Ive signed up for a 12 week weight challenge on the 2nd of sept which i could win 100- 300 pounds if i lose the most amount of weight, i so much would love to win just to get myself a running machine to keep the exercises up in winter. The only problem is iam on holiday 1 or 2 weeks into the challenge, but in the mean time iam still going to make the most of eating what i want for 2 weeks

Not given up yet

Ive not even bothered to come on here because nothing had changed i just drank 2 or 3 bottles of wine on a fri and/or sat night while on facebook and spent most of my time indoors. After visiting hospital today and my right leg getting better (still very slight pain in right groin) i feel i can at least get out and start walking again, i cant tell you how good that feels. Ive manged 2 x 13 min walks round the block this week that abt killed me off because not used to exercise but i feel great for doing something.

Still no change

Nothing really to say things haven't changed at all was suppose to be in hospital to see doctors today but had to cancel it. The weekend was like it has been for sometime now ie have a few bottles of wine on a friday and saturday night and show myself up on facebook. I cant stress how much its doing my head in being stuck in and not being able to do jobs or go for a walk without being in lots of pain, i need so much to get active again.

I had a visit from my younger brother yesterday which was lovely because i've not seen him for some time, i also had a visit from a friend, both these people have to spend there lives looking after children that requires special needs and it really hits home how small my problems in life are and makes me feel i should not go on about my problems because they are nothing. I suppose for me by doing what i do ie typing this stuff and doing the FB thing it just makes me feel iam not alone and theres someone to waffle on to. The second and most important reason is if anyone has the same thing ie heart attack or stent ect they may not feel so strange after going through the same feelings and emotions after seeing how it effected myself, i suppose its aimed more at those that are alone as ive found it difficult to talk to others about it and no one really will understand the fears and how it effects you mentally as well as physically unless you have been or going through it all.

tags: stent, heart attack, heart rehab, bored, drink, alone,

5th Stress control class 19/05/11

Just been to stress control tonight and it was best one yet, i do believe in Karma and things happen for a reason not just for the hell of it, things have actually happened to me in my life since i decided to try an become a better person abt 7 years ago. Iam not going in to all that but over the last 6 days ive been worried on how to approach something that mans a lot to me and tonight during the class they helped me with my problem without even knowing, i just learn to let things happen now an dont question how why what where an when. Be ok with people and they will be ok with you look after people and people will look after you but never ask or do anything selfish or for your own gain then life just seems to work its own answers out. One of thebest books i would recomend anyone to read even though its not fact is The Celestine prophecy and you may have a small clue what i believe in, by the way i thought the film was crap, unlike me right now :)


tags: celestine prophecy, happy as a pig in shit, :)

Up an down an round an round

As this is first full week back on half days iam still trying to get use to early nights and getting up earlier than normal. Works been great an its good to be back, still cant walk far at mo but hope its gradually getting better, at least anyone who is gona have the op will no roughly how long the pains last, i spoke to the doctor again this week an he said it could be up to 8 weeks which is next week before pains go away. On the bad sise got to wait 3 months before full exercise with weights ect which will be begining of July i just have to let nature take its coarse then go mad.
Couldnt sleep the night before last had a lot on mind so wrongly again turned to the wine to help me last night, my problem at moment is i dont know when to stop, i realy have got to cut down i keep teeling myself to wait now until i get fully fit, but i really souldnt be doing it in the week.
All in all i feel top of the world at the moment tons better than the weekend iam gona blame it as always on the full moon. Regarding the person i spoke to fri eve she has talked to me again which has lifted me more than any tablets could do she makes me feel fantastic but not said a lot so i dont know why i feel like this, the thing that really scares me is that i know i can get that sinking shit feeling just as quick if things go wrong, i know its part of life an you have to get on but i feel ive had my fair share of them shit feeling days an wana stay happy. Ive actually got to a stage where i think about her all day and night and cant wait to see if shes been in touch an feel dead happy if she has an down he she hasnt i really dont like this control she has and the poor girl has done nothing except a few nice kind words.I know its me an i have to control it somehow but unless you in this situation you wouldnt have a clue how hard it is to try and back off someone you have feeling for and the really weird thing is ive not even met her yet and would probally shit it if i ever had to.
There is one more thing going offat the moment but not sure how to go into that i really dont want to while iam feeling this good.